Translated by Brooks from Outras do Analista do Bagé by Luis Fernando Veríssimo, a Brazilian writer.
It
is no longer possible to teach a foreign language, such as French or English,
by old-fashioned methods.
Students today want movement, action, stimulation. They don't want French in a book. And there is no longer any reason to separate the languages. The modern student must be prepared to pass from English to French without the slightest excuse me or s'il vous plait.
I have therefore prepared a simultaneous internet course in French and English that will make the teaching of these two idioms more attractive to the students of today.
I realise that the purists will criticise my spelling, but purists are pre-electronic. What's important is not grammar, it's communication, right? Let's go to the first lesson. It is called...
Students today want movement, action, stimulation. They don't want French in a book. And there is no longer any reason to separate the languages. The modern student must be prepared to pass from English to French without the slightest excuse me or s'il vous plait.
I have therefore prepared a simultaneous internet course in French and English that will make the teaching of these two idioms more attractive to the students of today.
I realise that the purists will criticise my spelling, but purists are pre-electronic. What's important is not grammar, it's communication, right? Let's go to the first lesson. It is called...
Scene: A dark bar. Criminals,
prostitutes, etc... A man in a raincoat enters. He looks slowly around before
approaching the bar. He speaks to the barman secretly without moving his lips.
M. Dupont
Je suis Monsieur Dupont.
Je suis Monsieur Dupont.
Barman
Bonjour, Monsieur Dupont. Comment allez vous?
Bien, merci. (He pulls the barman by the shirt.) Ou est la plume de ma tante?
Barman
(confidentially) La plume de votre tante est sur la table.
Dramatic suspense music. Monsieur
Dupont releases the barman's shirt and looks around angrily. He moves to a
table where a man and a woman are seated. People quickly move to let him pass.
M. Dupont
Qu'est que c'est ça? Est-ce que ça est un table?
Qu'est que c'est ça? Est-ce que ça est un table?
The couple look at each other. The
man stands and faces Monsieur Dupont. There is a moment of silence.
Man
Oui, ça est un table.
Oui, ça est un table.
Woman
Ou oui, c'est une table.
Monsieur Dupont ignores the woman. He
pushes the man.
M. Dupont
Est-ce que la plume de ma tante est sur la table?
Est-ce que la plume de ma tante est sur la table?
Man
Non, la plume de votre tante n'est pas sur la table.
M. Dupont
(shaking the man) Ou est la plume de ma tante?
Woman
(taking a pen from her blouse) La plume de la tante de Monsieur Dupont est ici.
The two men turn to her, amazed.
There is a mixture of surprise and pain on the face of the man. At this moment a couple with a child enter
the bar.
Man with child
(to barman) My name is Mr Brown.
(to barman) My name is Mr Brown.
Barman
Hello, Mr Brown. How are you?
Mr Brown
Fine, thank you. This is Mrs Brown.
Barman
Hello, Mrs Brown.
Mrs Brown
(smiling in a friendly, almost too friendly, way the barman) Hello!
Mr Brown
And this is our little boy, John.
Barman
Hello, John.
John
Where is the pencil?
Barman
(confused) The pencil is on the table ...
The boy walks over to the table. The people in the bar are nervous. A woman
puts her hand to her throat.
John
Is this a table?
Is this a table?
Man
(irritated) Oui, ça c'est une table.
John
(pointing at the woman's pen) Is this a pencil?
M. Dupont
(pushing the boy away violently) Non, ça c'est la plume de ma tante.
Mr Brown runs to protect his son. Mrs
Brown, ignoring the confusion, orders a gin and tonic.
Mr Brown
(waving the pencil at M. Dupont) This is a pencil.
(waving the pencil at M. Dupont) This is a pencil.
M. Dupont
Ça n'est pas un crayon. C'est la plume de ma tante.
Mr Brown
This is a pencil!
The two begin to fight. Soon,
everyone in the bar is fighting. The presenter enters.
This was the first lesson. Don't miss tomorrow's class, when we will find out about the possessive in English and contractions in French in the thrilling drama Apostrophes and Passion .....
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